THE CURSE OF THE KAVORKA


The Plight Of The Stand Up Surfer

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No matter how considerate SUP riders claim to be, and often times can be, we are, in the eyes of all, always "riding another damned wave."

I had just entered "their" lineup on my way through while on a long distance SUP tour.

“Oh no, here comes one of those wave hogs,” remarked a crusty old longboarder to his equally crusty cohort.

I was just passing through. I hadn’t caught a wave. I hadn’t made an aggressive move toward an approaching swell. It didn’t matter. Standing tall with a big board and paddle, it’s inevitable. The curse, that is.

If you are a Seinfeld fan you may remember the Curse of the Kavorka. In this episode, officially titled The Conversion, Kramer is spellbound by the Kavorka, an ancient Latvian curse, which has women falling madly in love (and lust) with a tall, gangly, neurotic character. The lure of his spell is too great, and no matter how hard Kramer tries, women would throw themselves at him. Kramer, of course, try as he might, time and time again, succumbs to the seductive powers of the women. He is cursed with, quite frankly, too much of a good thing.

As an avid stand up surfer, I believe I'm cursed with surfing’s version of the Kavorka. Time and again waves just seem to come to me. Sometimes I don’t even have to paddle, the waves just pick me up. They march directly toward me, throw themselves at my feet and taunt me. It's as if my big board and paddle serve as some sort of lure.

So I ride.

Even if I attempt resistance, it does no good. The seductive powers of the wave have me in their spell. No matter how hard I try, there I go again, on another set wave. Or even just a medium sized "underneath" roller. Or, an insider, whatever, it doesn’t matter, I’m going. And I do try to limit my taking. But alas, it doesn’t matter, I’m cursed. The Kavorka has me in its grip.

Surfing's version of the Kavorka is unique because it is perception-based. As they say, perception is reality, and in this case, what others see, and what others think they see are two different realities.

I’ll try to sit in the channel. I’ll wait out a few sets. (I will!) I’ll stand alone in the channel, as waves pour through. It doesn’t matter. I’ll politely whistle out when set waves are approaching. I’ll wait more than my fair share of time before even attempting to catch my next wave. It doesn’t matter. The curse. In the eyes of the other surfers, I’m always on a wave. I could wait 20-minutes between rides with a bullhorn, vigorously passing out set waves to the hungry, and hooting at each ride as my fellows flail this way and that. But alas, it wouldn’t matter. The Kavorka works a dark magic.

All that my fellows observe is me paddling, catching and riding ‘another’ wave. Herein lies the real power of the Kavorka curse. No matter how considerate SUP riders claim to be, and often times can be, we are, in the eyes of all, always "riding another damned wave."

READER COMMENTS

Justin
Mon Mar23, 2009, 1:19 PM

So it wasn't you who got taken out at Duranbah?

NorCounty
Mon Mar23, 2009, 1:25 PM

The problem is YOU may think you are being selective by chilling for just a bit on the outside, but you still are taking the better waves. Bass surfs the things damn well, but he still throws himself into the best ones longggg before anyone else can get into them. I guess all is fair game at Cardiff. Let's keep it at Cardiff!

chumash
Mon Mar23, 2009, 1:36 PM

The problem Scott is the majority of SUP's are NOT considerate. They take too many waves because they can, hence the negative response from SURFERS. Also, many of them have no business being in the lineup and are serious safety hazards. Oarons have brought this animosity on themselves and until there is a mass changing of etiquette and understanding of safety protocols, the resentment from SURFERS will continue to grow.

Matt
Mon Mar23, 2009, 3:22 PM

I'm confused, longboarders are now complaining about some surfers taking advantage of oversized boards to get more waves than their fellow surfers on smaller boards?

Phil
Mon Mar23, 2009, 3:48 PM

Matt, The longboard explosion saddens me too, and I ride one! If someone uses one to noseride etc then that's where surfing came from -it's valid, cool and you have to accept that. When they use one cos it catches waves easier, but they stand in one place and can't get it to turn then shame on them. SUP in my mind does not even have that distinction. It's only one step off a goddam kayak! Take it on a lake.

David
Mon Mar23, 2009, 4:47 PM

Tell them to get a life and get over it. I ride a 10 foot board at Cardiff Reef amongst the sweepers. I use them as indicators. I have no problem with them at all. We're all out there looking for waves. If we all find the best position and wait our turn we'll all get plenty of waves. Anyone who complains is a whiner. Its usually short boarders surfing in a longboard lineup that are the complainers. If they want more waves they should get a longer board or go to Ponto.

JimmyO
Mon Mar23, 2009, 5:10 PM

The funny thing is, bass rides a shortboard out htere a lot. I think he gets to see the situation from a perspective that few can. He's both the hater and the hated.

dougsilva.com
Mon Mar23, 2009, 6:06 PM

Drive an SUV and recieve a free SUP. Part of the new stimulus package.

bite me
Mon Mar23, 2009, 8:15 PM

I sup, I'm good, actually damm good. And I shortboard and I rip on those too. And I'm too fit to ever longboard. And I don't like kooks that waste waves because they suck, no matter what they ride. But if they're on a longboard they automatically suck, although that skinny hoale dude, can't remember his name, rips on a longboard.

Chris
Tue Mar24, 2009, 12:22 AM

I've never heard anyone say they are too fit too longboard but thats pretty funny. I ride a short board and switch off to longboards when it's too small. I'ts funny hearing short boarders complain about long boarders snaggin all the waves, which can be true to the blokes who don't know to wait a bit, but now its funny to hear longboarders complain about SUP. I think its just the person riding the board. I can't wait to see what the SUPs will complain about when something else comes out! Waves are waves, and they will be there tomorrow and the day after learn to ride em good and share it.

Bretto
Tue Mar24, 2009, 1:17 AM

Trestles trail, early 90's: dudes get the bright idea that a motorized vehicle would get them a considerable advantage over traditional methods (walk, skate, bike)to and from the beach. No law against that, right? That wasn't enough, they had to rub it in and try and charge others for a ride. Well, the social order revolted and attacked em. No more kart. Lesson: 5" thick x 11' board + leash + paddle=greed (loose one of these and you even the playing field). Keep pushing, and the social order will correct itself in time. Surfing in most areas is a social experience subject to the mores and codes of the whole (ex. black wetties and white boards). Its like tow-in v. paddle-in, but most tow-ins have a little more respect at the breaks they want to surf when paddle-ins are out.

adam
Tue Mar24, 2009, 12:02 PM

the problem is that many SUP riders arent surfers to begin with, they are usually participants of "elitist" sports like whitewater kayakers, triathlon racers, road bike enthusiasts, etc, you know the sports im talking abut, the ones that require $1000 bucks in start up, and another $1000 to be fashionable. Most SUP riders are mid to late thirties guys out for a weekend workout or chance to use the rack on the top of their volvo suv for something other than their downhill mountain bikes and wave ski's. its really no worries but most of these guys have not spent any rel time in a line up and dont have the knowledge or respect for the nuances and movements of a surf break, all they see is a killer workout.

fong
Tue Mar24, 2009, 1:44 PM

I am seeing these more and more. Problem is people I respect in surfing are also doing it and letting me know how great the workout is. I was hoping it was a fad that would go away...but it looks like we are stuck with these things.

Jeff
Tue Mar24, 2009, 1:49 PM

it is in the lineup as it is anywhere you go to do anything...surf, skate, snowboard, hoops, etc. there will always be whiners who think they deserve something over another simply because of mode of operation. "too fit to longboard" you're a joke..."sup vs. longboard vs. shortboard vs. bodyboard vs. body surf" who frickin cares. "boss vs. employee" etc. etc. if you're whining your wasting mine and everyone elses time. run what you brung and shut it up. you can't handle it get out and go inland.

Brian
Tue Mar24, 2009, 1:55 PM

Yeah...uh...I could do without seein' em in the ocean unless thier NOT in the lineup, they stay to the mushburgers that no one else can catch, or they frickin' learn some manners-i shortboard, kneeboard, longboard, etc.-i've surfed around the damn things and the people who ride 'em (HMB, Pleasure Point, OB) have no concept of surfing or aloha-it's called SHARING-LEARN IT SUP RIDERS! I'm done bein' quiet about it out there-if I see you hoggin' i will not hesistate to cut you off, even if there is a minefield of urchins on the inside...

Mark
Tue Mar24, 2009, 6:31 PM

A note to SUP surfers... Nrow you know how "sit-down sufers (AKA kayak surfers) have felt for some time now. Doesn't matter what mode you are in, be courteous and respect the other guy/gal in the water. No one owns the ocean, so let's try to enjoy it togther.

Bob
Tue Mar24, 2009, 7:59 PM

"I sup, I'm good, actually damm good. And I shortboard and I rip on those too. And I'm too fit to ever longboard. And I don't like kooks that waste waves because they suck, no matter what they ride. But if they're on a longboard they automatically suck, although that skinny hoale dude, can't remember his name, rips on a longboard." Billy, time to get off the internets, it's dinner time.

Just some Kook
Tue Mar24, 2009, 10:16 PM

Bob, everybody rips, everybody sucks, we're all kooks to somebody and nobody is too fit to ride a longboard. What's that even mean? Do your arms explode because you're paddling something 9' plus? I hope you're just joking. Or maybe you aren't as good as you think you are,and have never figured out your cross-step and can't get to the nose. Fact is we should all ride anything we can get our hands on,in whatever conditions we see fit. And learn some f'n etiquette otherwise people are gonna get hurt, and that just isn't necessary. SUP is not a crime. But I like the idea that they should call out sets that the rest of us can't see. peace, love, SUP, log, whatever.

the Kavorka
Wed Mar25, 2009, 11:33 AM

The funniest thing about SUP is how pissed long boarders get. But isn't it strange that the guys who are pissed are the guys that used to be able to exactly what us "SUP"ers are able to do now, which is sit way outside and wait for the best wave? Amazing...Everyone needs to relax and realize that we are all out there for the same reason.

Kook?
Wed Mar25, 2009, 5:58 AM

I don't know what's dumber, using the world "Kook" or seeing Mathew Mcconaughy surfing People magazine...

BeachBum
Wed Mar25, 2009, 4:21 AM

SUPs have been getting pebbles in all four tire stems at Swami's. ha! Brutal yet kind of funny. It seems like no damage would be done to the vehicles. The trips to the gas station to fill the tires would suck however!!! Maybe SUPs should get AAA memberships if they plan on stopping by the Swarm.

Bill
Wed Mar25, 2009, 11:58 AM

We complain about other surfers and the type of vehicles they choose to ride. We say that this group is too greedy, this group is a bunch of kooks. The fact is that there are too many surfers in the water. That is where all this "hate" is coming from. It's pure economics. Waves are a limited resources and a social hierarchy is created to distribute the resource. SUP surfers are not taking our waves. There are just too many surfers in general nowadays.

Oh, just quit
Wed Mar25, 2009, 2:38 PM

Every innovation in surfboard design has been aimed at increasing performance and maneuverability. Until now. Now the innovations are aimed at making it easier to get waves. In Hawaii at places like Laniakea there are now three lineups. The inside short boarders lineup, the longboarders line up, and way outside, the SUP lineup. Total crowd numbers can hit 100+. When it's like that, nobobdy is taking turns or "sitting out" sets. It's ugly and it's going to get uglier. Especially now that the cost of jet skis has gone down.

glassedin1
Wed Mar25, 2009, 3:11 PM

adam makes the point clear: many guys getting into SUPing aren't surfers, and don't understand the lineup protocol or culture. I DO NOT agree that equipment dictates your level of greed. Shortboarder pros are the worst by far. I am not an elitist athlete - I'm a surfer, and I ride everything. You're seeing more and more guys who grew up sufing in NC riding a variety of ocean equipment, stock paddleboards, OC-1s, etc. If you see kook behavior out there, call it out, regardless of equipment; but make sure it's the person you're talking to, not the craft. Thanks to SB for bringing up a sensitive subject.

rees
Wed Mar25, 2009, 5:19 PM

To me it's about being a waterman. Shortboard, fish, longboard, SUP, bodysurf, fish, spearfish, sail...it's all good. SUP riders like everyone should show repect and humility. I know assholes and hogs who ride every type of craft. Where I surf, all the SUPers I know also rip on other boards. I'm tired of the whiners. As long as I don't run you over, burn you or backpaddle you, then shut your mouth.

Singlefin
Wed Mar25, 2009, 5:46 PM

I agree with rees... I ride shortboards, longboards, twins, singles and have seen motherf*ckers on everything, as well. Surfing today with just a few guys out and everyone was very friendly and saying, "Hello, how are you." We took turns on set waves and even gave waves to one another... no better feeling in the world than being out with people like this. It all comes down to respect for your fellow surfer.

old surf dog
Wed Mar25, 2009, 7:59 PM

Glad I read all this. Just today I was out on my longboard at Sano and all these SUP folks are smack dab in the middle of the surfing only zone. Did not bother me that much until one started hogging waves and another was shoulder hopping all over the place. Funny part was when the lifeguard kicked them out and one guy tried to pull a stealth move and just hide there on his sit-on surf ski. Finally moved when he was threatened with a ticket. I have been surfing 46 years and I for one am glad that the tugboats and oars stay on the other side of the beach.

re:Kook?
Wed Mar25, 2009, 8:40 PM

I don't know what's dumber, using the word kook or misspelling a four letter word a 1st grader would get right. Stop perpetuating the stigma that surfers are not smart. Just ride waves. Peace.

short board til the end
Wed Mar25, 2009, 9:00 PM

Riding a SUP is the fastest way to take a hot surfer and make him mediocre. No one rips on a SUP. If you think you're ripping on a SUP, you haven't watched yourself on video; it's only in your mind. Can't tell you how many times I've seen hot surfers ride way out in front of the barrel on a SUP that they would normally be in deep. SUP riders will one day look back at all those sick waves they rode way out in front of and kick themselves. Sad Fad. It must be fun though, no denying that.

Kidd
Wed Mar25, 2009, 10:08 PM

Makes we want to get a SUP just to piss off the complainers on this forum... Pebbles in the valve stems might equal paddle to the head. I bet the trip to the ER might really suck too!!

Priphrl
Thu Mar26, 2009, 1:26 AM

Anyone who has surfed long enough has had to battle with crowds, black balling, the resurgence of longboarding, etc. Then you grow up, or mellow out and realize that in order to enjoy this beautiful sport you just have to deal with it. Then fricken Lance Burkhart decides riding giants isn't enough and he revives an ancient activity. Yeah I get it, great workout, paying homage, total waterman...But really though, it's not as if SUP"ing is the future of surfing, it's a novelty. It's like driving a vintage car. Now just as you wouldn't drive a vintage car on the 405 fwy during traffic hour, you shouldn't try paddling your behemoth out into a crowded line up. Just find your spot down the beach somewhere and paddle yourself silly.

Prop:86aSUP
Thu Mar26, 2009, 11:27 AM

Old Surf Dog, I would like to know more about the SUP restrictions at San O. If you read this, email me at lifeguardsd@yahoo.com. Thanks.

Zach
Thu Mar26, 2009, 12:05 PM

The janitors of the lineup.

duganovichenheimer
Thu Mar26, 2009, 2:39 PM

Prop:86 - SUP's are limited to Dog Patch at Sano, along with the Butt Boarders, Kayakers, Knudson Sticks, Shlong Dong's, etc. Also, they are trying to implement the Boating 500' rule in the area from Dog Patch to Cottons. Although I told my surf bud he has my permission to shoot me if he ever saw me on an SUP, I have tried it a few times and I have to admit I have never had so much fun surfing a 1' wave. Like many have said, you ride what the conditions dictate. As long as the SUP's are courteous, they should gain respect - they DON'T belong in a crowd PERIOD. With the ability to paddle easily for miles they can & should find there own spot without bothering anyone.

Duganovichenheimer
Thu Mar26, 2009, 2:47 PM

Priphrl - The sport of SUP is not an ancient sport, it was created by the Waikiki Beach Boys. They needed another way to milk the tourists so they started SUP as a way to hold camera's out of the water to take pictures of the tourists surfing *or attempting to surf!) to sell to them when they got back on the beach.

Vince
Fri Mar27, 2009, 1:09 PM

I have been surfing consistently since 1964. Needless to say I have ridden everything that has come along in surfboard design from that period to date including a Stand Up Paddle Board. I still remember why we started surfing back then on those big boxy boards. It was FUN!!!. So far every board I have ever ridden (and I have ridden them all) has put me in places on a wave that have only added to my experience and joy of riding waves. It is all surfing. My life has never been limited to one form or the other. To do so in my opinion is a missed opportunity to experience what the world (or a wave) has to offer. So please, we are all fellow surfers let us all have respect for the choices we make in how we chose to ride a wave and always share and respect one another in the line up. Aloha!

Charger
Wed May27, 2009, 5:16 PM

Bass surfs good, but I've seen Tom English flat out ripping and that big galoot Kevin guy shreds hardest of all.

J-SUP
Sun Aug 2, 2009, 3:49 PM

Well... It seems that no one can get along. That's too bad. I know there are kooks out there that SUP but there are kooks out there that shortboard and longboard. The problem with kooks that SUP is that everyone can see them be a kook. I personally never been hassled by other surfers when I SUP and charge bigger sets on the outside. I've surfed big days with big local crowds and no problems. SUP kooks need to learn their place and if they can't respectively and safely surf with surfers then they shouldn't. The cool thing about SUP is when I'm riding a spot where it seems to be crowded, I usually drop on a few outside sets, rip them up and maneuver properly around any "obstacles" then paddle to the next break. This is better exercise and you won't get labels as a Wave Hog.

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