Gregg Drude's Dream Surfing / Sailing Trip: Van Dieman Dispatch

May 19 - Swabbing the decks of sea lion excrement

These suckers can really make a mess

Our latest anchorage keeps us entertained with all kinds of interesting sea life, but it’s also forced us to add a new chore to our daily list. Each morning, before heading off in the dinghy for a surf, someone has to remove a gift left for us by the local sea lions. These creatures are a hoot to have hanging around, but I never dreamt that I would be cleaning excrement off the boat when I first set out on this adventure.

In the surf, sea lions are the most amusing animal I’ve ever come across. Sure, dolphins are a treat to share the line up with, but I’ve never seen dolphins as brazen or as playful as these sea lions. These little guys keep us on our toes constantly as they bob and weave around us. They force us to keep our heads on a swivel and I think they enjoy harassing us. Often, they make us sit through an entire session with our feet up on the deck of our boards in fear of them having a nibble on our toes.

We’ve been surfing most sessions here by ourselves and I’ve seen the sea lions lounging on the rocks onshore, seemingly waiting for something to do. As soon as we paddle from the dinghy into the lineup, they start lumbering down the jagged rocks into the water to join us. Without hesitation, they swim straight for us and begin their little game.

The fun starts when one of the jokers takes aim at us and, like a torpedo, makes an attack. They’ll speed at one of us with their head just above the surface showing no expression at all. The look on their face makes it hard to tell if they’re having fun or if they’re seriously pissed off. Then, when they come to within about ten feet, they’ll disappear into the deep, leaving the victim in a panic waiting for the attack to come from below. The surfer will then see shadows darting every which way below him, making it impossible to get a fix on the attacker. After what seems like minutes of anguish, the sea lion appears again off in the distance with a smug look on his face. Then, the surfer can relax, so long as the enemy is in sight, but this dance takes place again and again, up to twenty times in one session.

Riding waves is also interesting with these little rascals. They have no problem dropping in on even the best surfer in the water. And they don’t just ride out on the shoulder either. They carve full roundhouse cutbacks and have one hell of an aerial assault. It makes you feel pretty stupid when some dude without a board is ripping harder than you and dropping in on you relentlessly.

For all the work it takes there are occasional rewards

The paddle out has become an interesting affair as well. After pretty much every wave you ride, one of these creatures awaits you in the channel and as you make your way out the back, he’ll keep popping his head up behind you. But he does it so you can just see him in your peripheral vision, and because of this, I constantly think someone else has paddled out. Only when I turn to say hi do I realize it’s just another sea lion shadowing me. Again, I find myself paddling with my toes up out of the water, just to be safe.

In reality, none of these fun loving animals would really bite us, but it’s extremely difficult to get used to having them all around you. We went snorkeling a couple of times and were able to experience their grace underwater as well. They played with us like we were one of their own and amazed us continuously with their fluid movements under water. It was quite a shock to see them moving with such ease in their natural environment after seeing them loaf around so clumsily on land. But the more we surf with them, the more we’ve come to enjoy them. When we leave, I am sure we will miss them, but at least there’ll be one less chore to take care of each morning.