Spot on Spot - A Revisionist Glance at Historic Surfing Locales: Ala Moana

While there may be a few closeouts, this situation sure seems pretty perfect.

Nostradamus:

2009: The vibe at Ala Moana grows so advanced in its aggressive wave-catching tactics that reverse psychology becomes the lineup’s weapon of choice. As a result, Bowls embodies the “aloha” spirit, and the hostility manages to manifest itself through smiling faces sharing waves.

2014: The residue of 2006’s sewage spill finally disappears from Ala Moana when Timmy the grom realizes its negative effects. Sure, the potentially fatal sewage spill sewed a potent stench in Ala Moana waters, but there were months of empty barrels – stinky or not. Timmy decides to leak local pipes back in the lineup so the spot is his forever – or until his hospitalization. His run is short-lived, but he gets a new disease named after him – The Timmy Stink.

2021: Contests are finally outlawed at Ala Moana when locals stage a three-week hunger strike on the beach. Catching national attention, HASA and other organizations decide there are hundreds of worthy if not worthier locations for contests. Unfortunately, the hunger strike backfires as all the locals are too weak to get in the water. David Condoro, the former bull of the lineup rejoiced at the breaking news, “Finally! We don’t need contests to compete, and locals will get what they deserve!” Shortly thereafter he fainted in the sand.

2031: The historic surf spot is finally put to bed as Ala Wai Marina owners expand the outer jetty. This move causes backwash to destroy the break, and the reinvigorated local community revolts. Ships are smashed to bits, and marine biologists morph wreckage from the riot into an artificial reef located just beyond the new jetty. Bowls is Bowls again – just 100 yards further out, and the turbulence settles.