OP/ED - PRESIDENTIAL PARDONS: SURF WORLD TRANSGRESSIONS FORGIVEN
Forgiving NOAA, Wardo, TCA, and Koby
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On this historic week in which President Obama took his oath of office, few were aware that outgoing President Bush took care of some last minute business. Pardons.
So in the spirit of forgiveness and unity, we've decided to pardon some transgressions that took place in the surf world over the course of 2008. Here is the list of the forgiven.
CHRIS WARD: Unfortunately, in the early part of 2008, Wardo had a late-night parking lot altercation with a female. Now, we certainly don't condone behavior involving violence. Nonetheless we have taken it upon ourselves to pardon Chris Ward of his derelict behavior. We do this because the surf world and the WCT needs a loose cannon on tour. Wardo's unpredictability, in the water and on the land, is priceless.
TCA: These asphalt pushers pulled out all the stops, even going so far as to misquote SURFER Magazine. The big-dollar developers behind the TCA's unprecedented and, quite frankly, scandalous attempt to run a toll road through a California State Park had surfers up in arms for almost a decade. TCA, we forgive you. Now stop with the lawsuits, before we change our minds.
NOAA: Their decision to disallow PWC use at Ghost Tree, and only at certain times at Mavericks, is going to cost lives. Not dollars, lives. It hasn't happened yet, so we will pardon NOAA…for now. Please reconsider. It is hard to 'spin' death.
USA SURF TEAM: Nobody is a bigger fan of the USA surf team than me. Well, okay, maybe some of the team members' parents are bigger fans. And maybe Joey Buran, too. But after that I'm right there in third. Third place is a bronze medal—or is it copper? I don't know, just ask the USA Surf Team. However, Coach Buran and Surfing America have the team in vertical trajectory and big things are going to happen soon. Therefore, we pardon the USA Surf Team for not bringing home the gold. Oh and by the way, this pardon is contingent on the team bringing home the gold from the ISA Junior Worlds in Ecuador in March of 2009.
KOBY ABBERTON: This bloke punched a cop. More late-night revelry gone bad. Dude, that was stupid. Still, however, we will forgive you—but only for punching the cop, not for being stupid. Maybe next year.
IAN WALSH: Mr. Walsh is a mad man. One of many, but in 2008 his madness at Teahupoo had those of us who pull back on 4-foot drops go from looking merely like your average kook to now looking like complete and utter donkeys—which, of course, we are. Mr. Walsh, thanks for making us look even worse. Nevertheless, we pardon you. Just calm down a bit in 2009, will ya?
XXL JUDGES: Giving the 2008 XXL award to multiple-winner Shane Dorian raised more than a few eyebrows. Dorian is of course deserving of consideration every year. He's as mental as the aforementioned Mr. Walsh. Your transgression: not giving Ian Walsh the award. We pardon you, but easy on the brews next year.
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READER COMMENTS
Tue Jan20, 2009, 7:44 PM
Pardon Wardo for assault with a deadly weapon? Nice one Bass.
Wed Jan21, 2009, 1:13 AM
What a silly waste of internet space...this article is pathetic. Skis will save lives at Ghost Tree's and Mavericks? I distinctly remember Dec. 4, 2007 and there being over 25 skis AND a helicopter at Ghost Tree's and still a poor guy drowned...for those of you who don't know, Ghost Tree's/Stillwater Cove is a pretty small area. Get a clue, wankers and find something worthwhile to write about.
Wed Jan21, 2009, 10:44 AM
Yeah PWC don't save lives. That's why lifeguard services around the world USE them. Because they don't work. I'm quite sure if you were in the impact zone and a PWC was there to pick you up, you would accept the ride. Ask Brett Lickle.
Wed Jan21, 2009, 1:48 PM
Bassy, The Chips will forgive you for this ridiculous junk but only because we've all endured a long flat spell. Here's how The Chips sees it: Wardo - Give him some hard time and see how the loose cannons in the pen treat women beaters. TCA - Give them some hard time for wasting so much money going down a dead end street. NOAA - Drop them in the impact zone on a big set at Ghost Tree and see what they think about pwc's. USA surf team - Has anyone ever heard of this? Who cares? Koby Abberton - Bro has gotta think before he punches. XXL - They're all a bunch of kooks. The Chips was riding way bigger waves at places they never heard of. 23 Chips
Thu Jan22, 2009, 3:18 AM
A snow ball is not a deadly weapon. Ward was attacked by an angry bull dike that was bigger than him and her stupid little friend tried to jump in and got hit. Have you read the snowboard mag blogs? All those snowboarders were praising Wardo. He is NOT a woman beater.
Thu Jan22, 2009, 3:31 PM
Sorry Bro. The Chips doesn't keep up with the snowboard mag blogs to get the latest scoop on kooks acting like kooks. Just to get the story straight though, you said Wardo got beat up by a bigger woman so he took it out on the smaller one. Definitely a class act that deserves sympathy. 23 Chips
Fri Jan23, 2009, 3:00 AM
Did i say he took it out on the smaller girl? No, he was defending himself from a crazy snowboarding pissed off man hater and the small one threw herself into the situation and got a stray punch. dont get me wrong YOU DONT PUNCH CHICKS but what do you do when someone bigger than you is beating your ass? Defend yourself, and trust me i saw the whole thing, IN PERSON, and that is all he was doing. He didn't try to beat any of them up. I know ward is a bit loose to put it mildly but that whole thing got blown way out of proportion. I know chips dont pay attention to blogs i was just trying to put it in perspective of what the people who were there and know those girls thought about the situation. He doesn't deserve sympathy, but he doesn't deserve time in prison!
Fri Feb 6, 2009, 1:01 PM
Heh, YOU WERE NOT THERE... otherwise you would be testifying in wards defense, which means discussing the case would be VERY bad for wards defense, I mean you dont think that the "big bull dyke"'s attorneys are looking for jokers like you to bring up in court He does not deserve prison, he needs it...fucking loon.