THE LORD OF LOWERS
Can't Anybody Stop Kelly Slater?
by Jake Howard

So, well, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anybody, but Kelly Slater has now bagged his third Boost Mobile Pro, and fifth ASP World Tour win of 2008. Forget winning the Triple Crown, forget hitting for the cycle, forget scoring 100 points in one game of basketball. The utter dominance and complete authority with which Kelly now reigns over the sport of surfing is, to borrow a line from Samuel L. Jackson, “some other level shit.” The dude’s plain and simple the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. And poor, poor Taj. He could have had him. But then poor Parko. Poor Mick. Poor Andy. Poor anybody else that’s even remotely hoping of making a name for themselves during the Slater dynasty. The guy feels a little bit of heat and just elevates, goes into a gear nobody else seems to have. But enough gushing and slurping, here’s a breakdown of how the final day of the Boost Mobile Pro presented by Hurley went down:

Top Five Waves of Day 2:

1. How the f*$% does he do it every time? It’s downright ridiculous the regularity with which Kelly Slater can pull scores out of thin air. Needing just under a 9-point ride to seal the deal Taj Burrow, who was sitting with priority, let Kelly sneak one in under him. Kelly went ahead and racked up a 9.70, and the rest, as they say, is destined for the history books.
2. For Taj the final day of the Boost was all about living and dying by priority. And while he passed on the winning wave in the final, the rolls were exactly reversed in his Quarterfinal heat against Jordy Smith. Jordy let Taj have the wave, Taj when loony, pulled a 9.40 out of his arse, and left the big South African scratching his head.
3. As the commentator on the beach prophetically said: “Every year somebody finds a tube out here.” Not more than a minute or two later and Kelly’s behind the curtain and driving through a little barrel section. It earned him a 9.33 and got his day off on the good foot.
4. Bobby Martinez’s tube immediately following Kelly’s, while only receiving an 8-point score, ignited the fans on the beach and, more than anything, fired up the beach, which up until that point still looked like they needed their morning cup of coffee.
5. Taj’s 9.63 in the final put Kelly under more pressure than he’s experienced all year. Thanks to lully conditions the final was extended to 40-minutes, and for a good chunk of that time Kelly sat in combo-land. Of course we all know how things ended, but an early 9.63 certainly put the screws to the man who’s all but mathematically clinched his ninth world title.

Most Defining Moment:
With less than two minutes to go, priority on his side, and the score in his favor Taj pulled back from a mid-size set wave. Kelly went. Net result: Kelly’s now won five out of seven world tour stops this year. Let this be a lesson to every one, never, ever, any under circumstances assume that Kelly’s not going to get the score. He will, and he just proved it.

Upset of the Day:
After a blistering rookie year, a year that garnered him Rookie of the Year honors, Jeremy Flores has been experiencing somewhat of a sophomore slump this year. But beating Mick Fanning in the Quarterfinals must have eased the pain a little bit. Mick was in form all week long, but the waves he needed to beat Flores never quite materialized, and Jeremy flared like the Frenchman that he is.

Insight That Would Have Helped Your Team If We’d Only Known:
I don’t know what to tell you on this one. No offense, but you were an idiot if you didn’t pick Kelly to win at Lowers.

Talk of the Beach:
The “morning of the final” was on 9/11 this year and patriotic spirit was soaring. The Aussie/American match up only fueled the nationalistic fervor. Chants of “USA, USA, USA!” could be heard up and down the cobblestone point. It reached such a creshendo that at one point the beach commentator tried to remind everybody that Taj was actually born in San Diego and has duel passports.

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